


Absolution

by cullenlovesmen (handersmyheart)



Series: Initiation [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Anal Sex, Begging, Bottom Sebastian Vael, Boys In Love, Don’t copy to another site, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Group Sex, Top Cullen Rutherford, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 01:10:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handersmyheart/pseuds/cullenlovesmen
Summary: Cullen fretted in his bed, heaving out a frustrated sigh. The blanket didn't feel right, his feet were cold, the shape of the world itself was off - nothing had seemed quite right since the initiation. It wasn't that he regretted what had passed between him and his superiors, nor was it horror. Not even disgust with what they had done to him. And that was the problem, wasn't it? He had gone along willingly, enjoying every minute of it, unable to put up a reluctant front. How was he supposed to pretend that nothing unusual had happened?





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [McLavellan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/McLavellan/gifts), [barbex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/gifts).



> This is a sequel to [Initiation](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686115) and I doubt it will make much sense if you haven't read it. I actually wrote this fic _before_ McLavellan and I wrote Initiation together - I needed Cullen and Sebastian to end up together that badly. It has taken many dissatisfying forms since then, but I think it's time I finally put it out for the world to see.
> 
> I hope nobody out there believes that having sex makes problems go away - that is certainly not the message I'm trying to get across with this fic. This is nothing but harmless fun. 
> 
> I am forever indebted to [McLavellan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/McLavellan/works) and [Barbex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/pseuds/barbex/works) for betaing this baby. Thank you for all the support and guidance, lovely ladies!

Cullen fretted in his bed, heaving out a frustrated sigh. The blanket didn’t feel right, his feet were cold, the shape of the world itself was off - nothing had seemed quite right since the initiation. It wasn't that he regretted what had passed between him and his superiors, nor was it horror. Not even disgust with what they had done to him. And that was the problem, wasn't it? He had gone along willingly, enjoying every minute of it, unable to put up a reluctant front. 

The promise between the recruits and the knights had held - nobody had mentioned what took place, but still he found himself looking, wondering which of the men were the ones that had - Maker’s breath - fucked him. He kept stealing covert glances, trying to catch even one of the knights looking at him strangely, but none of them had. 

He laid in his cot, grateful to be left alone in the dormitory. Wasn't everything supposed to change when something of this magnitude happened? Weren't they supposed to see him through new eyes? He wasn't supposed to be like _that_ , right? All he had ever wanted was to become a protector, a hero, but he wasn’t sure this was what heroes were meant to be like.

"Cullen."

He roused from his thoughts to see Sebastian hovering at the doorway. He nodded an absent-minded greeting at his friend, smiling briefly before lowering his gaze back to the wall before him. 

"I need you to talk to me," Sebastian said, voice low and solemn. He took a seat on his bed, right next to Cullen's own. His gaze rested on him and he could feel it, but he couldn't bring himself to meet his eyes; Sebastian had seen the state in which he’d stumbled back to the dorms, and unlike the others, his friend wasn’t bound to secrecy. He didn’t believe confiding in him would be a risk, but blood rushed to his cheeks when he pictured his reaction.

“I just really think it would do you some good if you told me what was wrong,” Sebastian explained. “I’m worried about you.”

Cullen's fingers toyed with the quilt he'd buried himself under. How in the Void was he even supposed to talk about it? It would be unwise to break the promise - nobody else had, and he definitely didn’t want to be the first. It was his lifelong dream to be training here. Maker, how hard he'd worked for his goals - should he risk all that just so he could feel better? “It’s nothing.”

The torches flickered, their light softening the harsh stone surface of the wall. He could see Sebastian fidgeting in his peripheral vision. 

“That’s not true,” his friend protested. "I think I can guess what happened to you that night."

The words captured his attention; he caught the look in his friend's eyes, trying hard not to betray his astonishment. Sebastian’s brows were knitted in concern - of course he would waste his time worrying about him.

"I saw you, remember?" the young man said softly. "And I'm-- I’m so sorry," he hesitated, rubbing at his neck and swallowing, his eyes falling closed, "I shouldn't have come at you like that. I should have seen you were in no position to refuse me."

Cullen's eyebrows climbed in surprise. Truthfully, he recalled only a few details on how the evening had ended - he'd stumbled back in a haze of exhaustion, his mind fogged by confusion. He had vague memories of Sebastian looming over him, and bringing him to a quick finish with his mouth before he had drifted off.

He cleared his throat, a blush painting his cheeks, forcing out the words that clearly needed to be said. "You need not apologise for that. It was... welcome."

A whole spectrum of emotions displayed on Sebastian’s face in rapid succession - surprise, followed by a tiny smile tugging at his lips that quickly turned into a frown. "But I am sorry, you know. I should have had more self-control. I shouldn’t have done that to you."

Cullen shook his head. The moment stretched, and he found himself fiddling with the blanket again as Sebastian seemed to wait for something. It occurred to him that this was an admission of sorts - one he would have probably liked had his mind not been so preoccupied. He pushed the thought back to be examined at a better time, giving a small smile to his friend.

"You didn’t do anything wrong, Sebastian. Go to sleep."

\---

Two months had passed and nothing much had changed, save for them all completing their vigils and becoming knights of the Order. He was still the star of their batch - or so the others kept saying - and all of his friends seemed care-free and normal. Carver still laughed big and bold, Alistair still told his awful jokes, and Delrin was as flirtatious as he'd ever been. He was the odd one out, it seemed, for not quite managing to put the pieces of the puzzle together and carry on with his life.

He'd had a lot of time to think during the long hours of guarding shifts and evenings holed up in the dormitories; he scarcely joined the other knights in their evening activities these days, rather choosing to spend his time in quiet self-reflection in the safety of his cot. Sebastian kept coming by, offering small talk and words of encouragement that hit eerily close to home.

He hadn't started talking about it - he doubted he ever would - but something had shifted inside of him. He hadn't given his friend much to go on with, and yet the knight stood by him. Something told him it wasn't guilt over his perceived misstep, but genuine concern and care. His relationship with his friend had grown closer in the past months, and he’d found himself anticipating their evening conversations, hoping to see the twinkle of joy in his eyes as he laughed.

"I think I've figured out how to get you out of your funk," Sebastian said one evening, a subtle blush decorating his cheeks.

"Oh?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't need further prompting.

"You need to take back control."

He lifted himself to a half-sitting position, frowning in confusion as he sought for eye contact that wasn't forthcoming. Sebastian sat at the edge of his cot, flexing his fingers in his lap, his gaze fixed upon the nervous tick.

"And how do you propose I do that?" 

"I could-" Sebastian cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck as he kept evading his eyes, "I could surrender to you."

He swallowed, the spit entering the wrong pipe, coughing furiously as his friend looked ready to bolt. "You mean--" he finally managed, his voice tight.

"Forget I said anything," Sebastian mumbled, scrambling to stand up.

His hand darted to his knee, keeping him in place with the gesture. "You-- you want that?"

The silence stretched between them, so he repeated the question. Sebastian squirmed in place, biting his bottom lip, trying to force out the words that he needed to hear.

"Yes,” came the uncertain voice at last, “but only if you want that, too."

He rubbed circles on his friend's knee as he considered the offer. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of it before. In fact, he'd paid all too much attention to those soft lips that had once sucked him in - cursing at how the details were still hazy, but hating himself when his imagination filled in while he was supposed to sleep. He’d kept watching Sebastian's slumbering form just a mere metre away from him, wondering what it would be like to slip under the same blanket and pull his body against his own.

"I- I do, but are you sure?" he finally responded.

"Yeah. Yeah. Let me arrange everything. You only need to show up."

\---

Cullen stood at the entrance of the unused closet space Sebastian's note had guided him to, nerves tightening in his stomach and breath short out of nerves. He wasn’t sure if this was a smart idea, but it had taken every ounce of willpower he had not to show up early. The insides of his cheeks were tender from all the chewing he'd subjected them to in his anxiety, his fingers trembling on the door knob. He twisted it in his hand, drawing in a calming breath as he entered the room.

The sight that welcomed him had him stop dead in his tracks: Sebastian had his back turned to him, his lovely form as nude as on the day he was born. He was leaning over a table, two candles burning on both sides of him. He watched Cullen from behind his shoulder, his eyes anxious and lower lip hidden between his teeth.

The door closed behind him as if by its own volition as he took a step closer. 

"You look," he tried, words tangling in his throat as Sebastian kept staring back at him, visibly nervous but unmoving. There were so many things he could have said, but nothing seemed sufficient to describe what he saw. Maker’s breath. 

"I’m yours," Sebastian said quietly, breaking the eye contact, "to do as you please."

The words were like a punch in the gut, his breath hitching in his chest. "Are you sure? Really sure?" he had to ask - give voice to the fear that his friend was doing this for all the wrong reasons.

"Yes, it's what I want. Please," came the response, Sebastian's voice lacking its usual steadiness, "I am all ready for you, all you have to do is--"

Cutting off whatever he was about to say, Cullen circled his arms around him, pulling him flush against his body. Sebastian melted into the touch, a shaky breath leaving him as he held him close. 

A moment passed just like that, their bodies slotted together as they breathed, basking in the divine feeling of a soul so willingly reaching out for another. He inhaled deeply, his nose buried in Sebastian's neck, the scent of him filling his whole world. His hands traveled up and down his friend's chest and stomach, marvelling at the smoothness of his skin. 

"Please," Sebastian whispered, craning his neck to rub at his face with his cheek. 

He couldn't help himself. He caught Sebastian's lips in a kiss, the angle awkward and off-center, but he needed a taste - he'd watched for too long, wondering how they'd feel against his own. The man turned in his embrace, facing him and diving right back in, his entire body pressing against his. 

Oh, but it was heavenly. No tangible thoughts crossed his mind as he gave into sensation, set aflame from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Something inside him broke free, and he backed Sebastian against the table as they kissed, grabbing his thighs to encourage him to a sitting position.

"Sweet Maker, Sebastian," he managed between the kisses, pressing their foreheads together as he looked down - the man was hard. He gulped, unsure of how to proceed. Sebastian smiled at him, insecurity twitching at the corner of his mouth as he lowered himself on the table. 

Cullen followed and captured his mouth again, his hands searching, mapping out the curves of his body, fingers tracing the contours of his muscles ever lower. He sought for eye contact as his fingers circled the man's cock. Sebastian let out a long sigh against his face, hips jerking ever so slightly as he closed his eyes.

"Come on, Cullen, I'm all ready for you," he said, lifting his legs and bracing them on the table, “and you’re driving me out of my mind.”

It occurred to him what that meant. He pulled back, looking between Sebastian's legs: slick glimmered around his opening, inviting him to run a finger over the hole. He circled it, blood pounding in his ears; his friend wanted him inside of him, so much so that he had prepared himself for him. Sebastian gasped as he pushed a finger in, meeting little resistance.

"Maker's breath," he breathed. 

"Please," Sebastian encouraged, meeting the invading finger, a flush rising to his cheeks.

He withdrew, clumsily shedding his clothes and stepping back to his place between the legs. Drawing closer, he trapped Sebastian's body with his arms, amazed by the beauty below him. 

His friend gave him a dazed nod, an expectant look in his eyes as his face drew nearer, seeking kisses. Cullen met him in haste and slotted their lips together, but he couldn't wait any longer - he broke off and found his position, pushing in ever so slowly, dropping in to brace Sebastian's body again as he kept going, the flames of the candles flickering as he moved.

Sebastian let out a moan, his legs wrapping around his buttocks, pulling him deeper in. 

Maker, nothing had ever felt quite like it. The intense heat, the tightness of Sebastian's muscles, the slick slide of his cock in the most intimate of his friend's places. He never wanted it to be over, but at the same time he was dying to press Sebastian down and just take him. It was maddening - the sensation of his friend's body against his own, inside and out.

He distracted himself by capturing Sebastian's mouth in a kiss, sloppy and uncoordinated, his sweaty palm cupping his cheek before sinking into the auburn hair as he finally bottomed out. 

For a moment they just breathed, breaking the kiss to press their foreheads together. It was Sebastian that nudged first, seeking friction without leverage, so he started a slow rhythm - pulling out a little, pushing back in. Soon he was pulling out a little farther, pushing back in a little harder. Blunt nails dug into his back and ragged little breaths encouraged him on.

Soon they were moving in unison, lips crushed together as he tried different angles, aiming for the spot that was bound to ignite Sebastian - hoping he would find it, desperately needing the sighs turn to moans, to feel his legs tremble against his sides. 

"C-cullen," Sebastian groaned wantonly, his muscles clenching around him. 

He did it again, trying not to spend himself at the sound and the feel, trying to be quicker and stronger, his thighs shaking with exertion as he drove to the spot again and again. Sebastian's hand snaked between them, tugging at his cock, in no time painting both of their stomachs with his spend, a low moan leaving him as he came.

Cullen kept thrusting into him, turning mindless by the overwhelming sensations. The embrace around his cock tightened, the ring of muscles clenching impossibly, heightening the pleasure. The legs around him pulled him deeper, the jizzed-up hand coming to cup the back of his neck and pulling him down to a zealous kiss.

Overpowered by the bliss, he let loose and came. It seemed to last forever; the sounds from his throat almost feral, the edges of his vision going white behind closed eyelids. Sebastian's arms pulled him down, their sweaty bodies connecting fully as they drifted down from their flight together. 

The world around him shrunk away, its entirety compressed to the breaths he shared with his friend. He knew the questions would return the minute he was alone again, but for a moment he could forget about them. For a fleeting moment, he was free from the insecurities that plagued him daily. In this enchanted moment, Sebastian was his - and he would try his damnedest to keep him that way. He could resolve the questions later.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments (including concrit) and kudos always welcome. Come say hi on [Tumblr](https://cullenlovesmen.tumblr.com)!


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